You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone

Over the past year my life has changed, a lot.  Through the changes I have had to make sacrifices and some days I find myself very ungrateful and focusing on the negative instead of being happy for what I have.  For the last month I have been working on being positive and grateful and focusing on how much I will appreciate the things I do not have once I do have them again.  Spending so much time alone can really wear on you and if I didn’t start to shift my thinking I could have gone to a very dark place.

I am someone who has worked my whole life.  My family was never rich and for the most part I had to work for everything I had.  Going from working full-time in a powerful and rewarding position to being unemployed and searching for things to do left me feeling very useless at points.  My ego took a big hit.  I felt that I was not contributing in my relationship and it left me feeling guilty.  I felt terrible that David had to sacrifice so much for us to be together and I began to think I am really worth all this?  I always knew deep down that I am but being the over thinker I am the thought crossed my mind pretty often.  To get into a more positive mindset I started reading more books on being happy and finding ways to change your  mindset to be more positive.  It worked.

I started to visualize the things I want, spent time thinking about them, how grateful I am for them even though in this moment they do not exist.  Now, instead of sitting in traffic to pick up David and being upset I would list the 10 things I am most grateful for out loud.  Instead of being upset my work permit is taking SOOO long to get approved I tell myself how grateful I am for being in Canada and how appreciative I am that my work permit exists even though I don’t have it yet.  I started to become happier, more positive, less cranky and more motivated to do things.

When I was in Florida Crossfit was a huge part of my life.  Since moving to Canada I have not really done it.  I made so many excuse I don’t have the money.  I am too out of shape.  I don’t speak French that well.  After a day of feeling super bad for myself and being sad about how I don’t have any friends here or money and blah blah blah I decided the next day I would go try a Crossfit class a gym that is really close to our apartment.  I walked in, a bit intimidated but at least I was there.  I met the coach, Nicholas, who was so friendly and he immediately made me feel comfortable.  The class started and I began to remember how much I loved Crossfit and why I loved it.  All of the sudden I realized this is what I have been missing.  The community, the bonds and friendship I have not made the past 8 months because I have secluded myself in my apartment were right in front of me.  More than anything was the feeling of accomplishment that I missed.  Not working means not having my successes in life and not much to be proud of but with Crossfit that changed.

After the workout was over I instantly felt relief.  First because the workout was over, it involved snatches which I despise, but also because I felt an excitement I have not had in a while.  I knew that I had to sign up, at least for a month and continue doing Crossfit because it made me feel good.  I didn’t feel like I was exercising to lose weight but more for fun, like I used to.  Crossfit and what comes with it is what I missed so much and I didn’t realize it until it was gone.

Stepping outside of my head, my comfort zone and my excuses led me back to something that I adore so much.  I am excited about what is ahead for me.  The people I will meet, the workouts I will do and the personal success I will find with each workout.  And even though I can’t move my arms today…I am happy.

Sometimes it is tough to remember but YOU and only you are in control of your happiness.  The way you think is more powerful than you can imagine.  A small shift in your thinking can change your life.

If you are wondering what books I read recently here they are:

You are a Badass & It Was Me All Along I highly recommend both books!